Rev Doug Gray
February 16, 2020
When I was a junior in high school, my parents went on a trip to Europe, and left my brother and me—alone, in charge of ourselves, at home. Freedom! As they were getting ready to leave, each of them talked separately with my brother and with me, and then with both of us together. Here are things we can do. Here are things we can’t do. Don’t let your brother talk you into the things we can’t do. Don’t let your friends talk you into things you can’t do…blah blah blah! Can we get to the…Freedom?! My mom’s dad—we called him, Grumpy, even though he wasn’t—called during this time period, and my mom as usual was listening in. He said, “Whatever your parents say, make sure you have a good time. Just don’t scar the walls.” My mom said, “Dad!” He said it again, “Remember, just don’t scar the walls.” We live in a time where we all have greater freedom than humanity has ever known. Of course, perhaps the scarier thing is that our kids have greater freedom than any other generation before them. Many people have placed a greater focus on the rules, on the laws that govern our society, as a way to define the boundaries of right and wrong. But whether we are talking about drugs, guns, cyber-laws or campaign finance, things are changing so fast, that no sooner do we pass a law, than someone has found a way around it. Our passage for today has a way to approach freedom that could solve our legal dilemma. You see, Jesus knows what rules can and can’t do.
First, love restores relationships. The Law says, “Don’t murder,” and most days we say, “Whew! I didn’t break that law today.” If we are trying to find out if we are good people, not killing someone is a pretty low bar. I don’t know if you know this, but I have a terrible temper. When I was young, my little brother would tease me and I would try to be cool because my parents said, “Just ignore him. He’ll get tired of it and go away.” (laughingly) Lies! The more I ignored him, the more he picked on me. Finally, I would just haul off and slug him, and he would go to my parents, “Oh boo hoo! Doug hit me,” and then he would smirk at me, which made me even more frustrated! As my parents talked with me, the problem was not just that I was slugging my brother, but that I reached a point where my anger took over, and in my rage, I stopped thinking. Had I killed someone? No, thank God! But there were times when anger ran the Doug Gray show. Jesus challenges us to think about the real meaning of violence. Is there a time when our anger and bitterness, our frustration and pain, run the show in our lives? Insulting people comes out of that place, so does mocking, and contempt. We have not killed the person physically, but we have surely done violence to them. Jesus raises the bar: it’s the thought that counts. To truly keep the commandment, “Do not murder,” we have to take the violence out of our thoughts. In fact, Jesus tells us healing relationships is more important than even our worship of God. Do we have a broken or bent relationship? Don’t wait! Settle up quickly!
Second, love is not predatory. One of my favorite commercials from a few years ago had a husband and wife sitting at a table having a thoughtful conversation. A very well-endowed waitress walks by and the guy keeps his focus on his wife. The slogan was what would you do for a Klondike Bar. Hmmm. Now wait a minute! The reason this guy doesn’t look at another woman is that he wants a Klondike Bar? How is that better? I mean he’s still lusting after a Klondike Bar! On the plus side, I guess he’s unlikely to sleep with a Klondike Bar, but I think he missed the point. C.S. Lewis once said, “If you look upon ham and eggs and lust, you have already committed breakfast in your heart.” Jesus doesn’t just want us to understand that pornography is a bad idea, or that eating more than we need is a bad idea, but that letting our desires for earthly things run our lives is a bad idea. You’ll notice that this gets big really quick. Do we get so focused on what we want, that that desire runs our lives? Whether it’s a woman or a brownie or a Pokemon or a car—whatever it is!—if it leads us to objectify people, to treat someone as a means to an end, it is running our lives and we are in serious spiritual danger. To use other people in this way is to act as a predator. We have not slept with another man’s wife today? Well good for us! But Jesus raises the bar: it’s the thought that counts. To truly keep the commandment, “Don’t commit adultery,” we have to take the lust out of our thoughts. In fact, Jesus says it’s so important, if desire for someone or something is running our life, we should cut it out and throw it away. It’s more important that our hearts be clear.
Finally, love is compassionate. In Jesus’ day, a man could divorce his wife by saying in front of witnesses, “I divorce you. I divorce you. I divorce you.” A man did not have to give cause, only had to say those words. A woman could not divorce a man back then. Yep, it was a patriarchal society, and a woman who had been divorced not only didn’t have a voice in the courts, she would find it hard if not impossible to find a husband again. And it gets worse! Technically speaking, only a woman could be caught in adultery! A guy sleeping with another man’s wife was the crime, and the woman was the one usually punished. Tell me how that is fair?! Oh and did I say that adultery was a capital crime? The law read that a woman caught in adultery was to have rocks thrown at her until she was dead. Dang! That is harsh! Jesus is not saying divorce is wrong! Read it carefully! Jesus calls out his male-dominated culture, and calls men to think about the person they are divorcing. Has this man thought about what it will do to the woman? How it makes her an object of contempt, puts her in the position of seeking another relationship at an even greater disadvantage, could even threaten her life? You’ll notice that Jesus doesn’t say divorce is wrong or that it might happen sometimes. Jesus is an early advocate of the #MeToo movement. No one is disposable, to be exploited for pleasure and discarded. Jesus challenges people to think about the other person, about what matters to them, about how ending the relationship will affect them. Jesus takes issue with the serial-divorcers who use their partners and then move on. The law says someone can divorce someone else. Ok, so you’re keeping the law. But Jesus raises the bar: have we thought about how that will affect the other person and the other persons involved? To truly fulfill the law on divorce, we have to make our decisions with compassion. Perhaps Jesus is leading us to think more clearly and compassionately about the power dynamics and personhood of our partners in our romantic relationships.
We do live in exciting times! That’s what my brother and I knew when we took our parents to the airport and headed home to a house with just us. Freedom! We did have a party, but our parents knew about it. In fact, my parents gave us permission…and no we didn’t scar the walls! What was really terrific about those two weeks is that it was the first time that my brother and I really made decisions more by what was right and less by the rules. That was the way my folks taught us to think—maybe encouraged by Jesus’ example in this passage right here—to look beyond the rule, to see the relationship that mattered, the principle for how we are to treat each other, to find a right way to live together. The people of Jesus’ day thought the Pharisees were hard-core—and they were about keeping the rules right, but not keeping their hearts right. Jesus challenges us today to think about our hearts, about our relationships, about whether we are just living for ourselves or really living for the God who loves us. Are there places where our emotions are driving our lives—anger, fear, loneliness, despair? Jesus challenges us to let God’s love and grace direct us instead. Are there places where what we want is running the show—lusting after people, objects, money, collections, sex or drugs? Jesus challenges us to seek what God wants first, so we will have all we need. Are there places where we just make or break relationships because it’s more convenient or gets us what we think we want? Jesus challenges us to think about what that relationship or that break will mean not just for us, but for the others involved. As long as we try to run our lives by just the rules, we will never catch up. There’s always a way around, always a way to deceive ourselves and others. Jesus’ way challenges us to look truthfully at our own hearts, to think thoughtfully of others, and to love God more deeply than any rule can require. To see beauty in our world and in each other, we have to know the truth in our hearts. Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth and the life.”