The classic illustration is told of a man who was driving down a road a little too fast. The road took a sudden turn and the car went through a fence and headed for a cliff. The man leaped out of the car in the nick of time, and grabbed onto a root coming out of the wall of the cliff. The man wasn’t much of a praying man, but still he prayed, “O God! If you’re really there, save me please!” The clouds parted, the sun shone and a voice boomed out, “I’m here. Do you really want me to save you?” “What kind of a question is that? Of course I want you to save me!” “So you’ll do anything to be saved?” “Absolutely. I’ll do anything you say, just get me out of here!” “Great. Let go.” The man thought for a moment and then shouted up, “Is there anybody else up there?” That is totally me some days—wanting for God to speak to me, and then not sure I want the answer I get. In fact, most of us face at least one moment in life when we seem to “hit the Wall,” as Peter Scazzero puts it. In his book, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: It’s Impossible to be Spiritually Mature While Remaining Emotionally Immature, Peter Scazzero writes, “For most of us the Wall appears through a crisis that turns our world upside down. It comes, perhaps, through a divorce, a job loss, the death of a close friend or family member, a cancer diagnosis, a disillusioning church experience, a betrayal, a shattered dream, a wayward child, a car accident, an inability to get pregnant, a deep desire to marry that remains unfulfilled, a dryness or loss of joy in our relationship with God. We question ourselves, God, the church. We discover that our faith does not appear to ‘work.’ We have more questions than answers as the very foundation of our faith feels like it is on the line. We don’t know where God is, what he is doing, where he is going, how he is getting us there, or when this will be over.” We will all “hit the Wall” in our lives. In fact, chances are pretty good that some of us in this very room are facing our Wall right now, and the question is how do we face it, and how do we move through it to the deeper, more joyful, life with God on the other side? The beauty of our passage for today—and all of the Holy Week story—is that we can see both the Wall and, in the life of Jesus, how to live into the Wall so we break through.
As we look at the Wall in our lives, John helps us understand two ways we often get stuck when we face that moment. First, life is just not the way we want it. Watch and listen to the crowd as they cheer Jesus on. The palm branches are a sign of a national hero’s triumph. The shouts of “Hosanna!” mean, “He saves,” and they shout all the louder, “Blessed is the King of Israel!” Perhaps they have had it with being occupied by the Romans and the disrespect they and their faith are getting. Perhaps they are feeling beaten down by the economics of the day—the rich are getting richer and the poor are taking it on the chin—until it seems like something has to give. Jesus will be the King they want. But by Friday, Jesus is not the King they want, and so their shouts turn to “Crucify Him!” Many of us have faced the Wall, as life is not the way we thought it would be—should be—and like the crowd, we are angry about it, so angry we tell God to get lost. We face the Wall, and we get stuck in anger because life is not the way we want it.
Second, life is more than we can understand. Watch and listen to the disciples as they walk with this Jesus, the King who is different, humbly riding a donkey. John writes, “His disciples did not understand these things at first…” A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby. “Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray,” the priest said. “No,” said the minister. “I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven.” “You’re both wrong,” the guru said. “The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor.” The repairman could contain himself no longer. “Hey, fellas,” he interrupted. “The best prayin’ I ever did was when I was hangin’ upside down from a telephone pole.” In our society, everyone thinks we should be able to understand everything, and many of us have faced a wall with things we can’t understand. We may be forced to wait, to watch, to think, to pray in ways we never thought we could. We face the Wall, and can get stuck in confusion or frustration because we do not understand.
Well, if those are some of the ways of facing the Wall that don’t work, what do we learn about facing our walls from Jesus that will help us find the deeper, real life?
#1: Keep praying. Jesus hits the Wall in Holy Week. It begins Thursday night, as Jesus confronts the real possibility that He’s going to be killed. He says to His disciples in the garden that night, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.” And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me…” (Matthew 26:38–39) Confronted by a future that is not the way Jesus wants it to be, not something he entirely understands, Jesus prays. Jesus stays in conversation with God.
#2: Stay faithful and obedient. It’s not that Jesus is happy with how things are going, but Jesus keeps doing the good that God would have him do. Can’t feel God? Don’t understand what God is doing or saying? Hang in there. Clarity will come. Jesus prays, “…nevertheless, not my will but Yours be done.” The disciples endure the pain, grief and fear of watching Jesus die, but clarity doesn’t come until they go through Good Friday. John writes, “but when Jesus was glorified, then they remembered that these things had been written of him and had been done to him.”
#3: Lean in. It’s easy to think we have all the answers, but if life is not the way we want it, and we don’t understand, perhaps we need to lean in to the pain or frustration or unhappiness to listen more closely to what God might be trying to say. “Oh Jesus,” we might pray, “I really don’t like this…but I love You!” God is happy to sit with us as we share our grief and anger with Him. And then, slowly at first, we might begin to pray, “Lord, what are you trying to show me?” That’s the thing about facing the Wall: we have to let go of what we know, so that we can learn the new way God would teach us.
The mystery of The Wall, what St. John of the Cross called “dark night of the soul,” is that it comes to all of us, but not all of us will make it through the Wall to new life. While we face the Wall, God refines us by burning away the moldy, old self that’s not working, run by anger, hopelessness or fear. While we face the Wall, God, rewires us for love. Facing the Wall is not fun, but it is the only way to true spiritual growth.
Where is God finding you today? Some of us are really mad that Cynthia and I are leaving, and some of us are really sad that we’re leaving, and all of us have no idea how we are going to make it through these next few weeks and months. Oh we will season our anger and grief with gladness for a future that is still out there us, but at the end of the day, we will just keep praying, keep trying to do what God wants, and lean in, because we know that God is going to make a way.
Remember the man who was hanging from a root, asking if there was anyone else up there? The answer came back, “Nope. Just me. Let go.” Figuring death was going to come anyway, the man let go and landed on a ledge a few inches beneath his feet. From there he was able to work his way back to the top of the cliff. I sometimes wonder what changed about this man as he goes on from nearly dying, encountering God and learning to trust. For Jesus, letting go meant actually dying, but because of his sacrifice as he leaned into God, something spectacular happened: Jesus was raised! That’s the promise of The Wall for us as Christians, that if we will keep praying, stay obedient and lean in, we too will be raised to a new life with God. As we face the Wall, we will experience brokenness and be more compassionate. As we face the Wall, we will know true pain and find more delight in God. As we face the Wall, we will find that God is indeed with us, and that the Wall is actually a gateway to a season of wonderful change and renewal. As Jesus rode into Jerusalem that first Palm Sunday, the crowd got it right, Jesus is the King, and the question today is, will we open the gates of our hearts and lean in to receive Him…and find great joy and an abundant life of love!